I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
