So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
