With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
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