i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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