Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
