I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
