What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
