That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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