I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My penis needs a shock collar
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
