No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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