I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
