you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
