Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
