out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
