Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
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