If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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