the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
