you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
