My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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