Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
