JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
