I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Randomize
