We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize