: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
