Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize