i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
