Nicole vs. Life
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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