she looked like the before picture.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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