People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize