So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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