Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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