Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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