Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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