all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
