The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I got inside last night via doggy door
Those nachos came to me in a dream
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
