my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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