I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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