I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
please come you make the beer taste better
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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