from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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