we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Why did my mother make you get naked?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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