i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
