just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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