I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
