I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
