some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize