I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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