he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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