I'll bet she douches with gravy.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
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