hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
