how can u be prego again
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize