You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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