My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
