PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
