Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
