I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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