Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
