Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
