Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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