When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
