do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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