Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
