Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
