I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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