It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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