And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
