im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
