who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
