you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
