put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
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