I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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