So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
