make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize