I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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