After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I could make wine with my vomit
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
