I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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