who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
