I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
