he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
