Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
