I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
