I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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